Calibrate on Behavior
In this series on the presuppositions of NLP, we explore foundational principles that guide personal growth, communication, and transformation. Each presupposition offers practical insights into how we interact with others and assess our own effectiveness.
This post focuses on the sixth presupposition: Calibrate on behavior.
What Does This Mean?
Calibrating on behavior means using observable actions as feedback to determine whether our strategies are effective. Behavior is a reliable indicator of progress, success, or alignment—not assumptions, words, or intentions.
William James emphasized that beliefs are best understood through the actions they inspire and the practical consequences they produce rather than merely through what someone says. Similarly, in NLP, this presupposition reminds us to assess actions to know whether our work delivers the desired results.
By focusing on behavior, we create a feedback loop:
Observe behavior.
Adjust strategies based on what’s working or not working.
Continue refining until the desired outcome is achieved.
Why Is This Important?
Behavior is Feedback
Behavior provides immediate and tangible data about whether our communication, strategies, or interventions are effective. This feedback allows us to pivot when needed.
Avoid Guesswork
Relying on assumptions about someone’s thoughts or emotions can lead to errors. Observable actions offer objective evidence, reducing misunderstandings and biases.
Promote Progress
By adjusting strategies in response to behavior, we can focus on what works and discard what doesn’t, making personal and professional growth more efficient and effective.
How Can You Apply This?
Treat Behavior as Feedback
When working toward a goal or engaging with someone, look at behavior as a signal. For example:
If your communication style isn’t eliciting engagement, try changing your tone, pacing, or content.
If a strategy isn’t yielding results, experiment with a different approach and observe the response.
Observe Actions, Not Just Words
Watch for consistency between someone’s words and actions. For example:
A person may say they’re committed to a project, and their lack of follow-through suggests otherwise.
Behavior often reveals what someone truly values or prioritizes.
Adapt Based on What You See
Use behavioral cues you observe to adjust your approach. For example:
If a colleague seems uninterested during a discussion, ask for their input or change how you present the topic.
If a client consistently resists a specific technique, explore alternative methods.
Measure Progress Through Action
Evaluate the effectiveness of your strategies by observing whether behaviors align with the desired outcome. For instance:
If you’re coaching someone on time management, look for changes in how they plan and execute their tasks—not just what they say they’ll do.
Practical Exercise
Think about a situation where you tried to achieve a specific result. Reflect on these questions:
What behaviors did you observe as feedback?
Did the behavior indicate that your approach was effective?
How could you have adjusted your strategy based on what you observed?
Now, apply this to an upcoming interaction or goal.
Observe the other person’s actions as well as your own.
Use behavior as feedback to refine your approach.
Notice how minor adjustments influence the outcome.
Consider This
How might your effectiveness improve using behavior as your primary guide for making adjustments? Could this shift help you achieve your goals faster while fostering better communication and stronger relationships?
Final Thoughts
The sixth presupposition of NLP reminds us that behavior is the clearest signal of what’s working. By calibrating on behavior, we can adapt strategies, improve communication, and achieve meaningful results.
In the next subscriber-only post, we’ll explore the seventh presupposition: The map is not the territory.
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