Everyone Is Doing the Best They Can with the Resources They Have Available
In this series on the presuppositions of NLP, we explore foundational principles that guide personal growth, communication, and transformation. Each presupposition offers insights into how we understand ourselves and others, fostering greater compassion and effectiveness in our interactions.
This post focuses on the fifth presupposition: Everyone is doing the best they can with the resources they have available.
What Does This Mean?
This presupposition suggests that people make the best choices they can, given their current knowledge, emotional state, and circumstances. Even when someone’s behavior seems unhelpful or harmful, it is often a strategy to meet their needs based on the internal and external resources they perceive they have at the time.
The key here is to recognize that “resources” in this context refer to emotional, mental, and physical capacities and the tools and strategies a person has learned or developed. When new resources become available, new behaviors often emerge.
Why Is This Important?
Fostering Compassion
This perspective encourages compassion. By recognizing that people are not intentionally choosing failure or harm, we can approach them with curiosity and compassion rather than judgment.
Supporting Change
If we see behavior as the result of limited resources rather than inherent flaws, we open the door to growth. Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with this person?” we can ask, “What do they need to succeed?”
Encouraging Personal Growth
By applying this presupposition to ourselves, we can reframe mistakes and setbacks. Rather than seeing them as personal failures, we can view them as opportunities to learn and expand our resources for future challenges.
How Can You Apply This?
Reframe Negative Assumptions
When someone’s behavior seems unproductive or harmful, reframe your perspective. Instead of assuming malicious intent, ask:
“What resources might they be missing that could lead to better choices?”
“How might their environment be influencing their actions?”
Example:
Instead of: “They’re just being difficult.”
Try: “What unmet need might be driving their resistance?”
Help Develop New Resources
Support others by helping them identify and develop the resources they need for better outcomes. This could include new skills, tools, or emotional strategies.
Ask: “What do you feel is missing for you to handle this situation differently?”
Offer: “Would it help to explore new ways of approaching this challenge together?”
Reflect on Your Own Growth
Use this presupposition as a tool for self-compassion. When you fall short of your expectations, remind yourself that you did the best you could with the resources you had. Then ask:
“What can I learn from this?”
“What new skills or strategies can I develop to handle this better in the future?”
Practical Exercise
Think about a situation where someone’s behavior frustrated you. Reflect on the following questions:
What might have been influencing their actions?
What resources could have helped them respond differently?
How could you support them in gaining those resources?
Next, think about a situation where you didn’t perform as well as you wanted. Reflect on:
What resources were you missing at the time?
How can you prepare differently for similar challenges in the future?
Consider This
What would change in your interactions if you started seeing behavior as the best possible choice someone could make, given their circumstances and resources? How might this shift create more compassion, collaboration, and personal growth?
Final Thoughts
The fifth presupposition of NLP reminds us to approach behavior with compassion and curiosity. By seeing every action as the result of available resources, we can foster understanding, create opportunities for growth, and support meaningful change.
In the next subscriber-only post, we’ll explore the sixth presupposition: Calibrate on behavior.
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