Resistance is a Sign of a Lack of Rapport
In this series on the presuppositions of NLP, we explore the foundational principles that guide effective communication, personal growth, and change. Each presupposition offers valuable insights into how we interact with others and understand ourselves.
In this post, we’ll focus on the third presupposition: Resistance in a client is a sign of a lack of rapport.
What Does This Mean?
Resistance is often seen as an obstacle. In NLP, it’s viewed as a signal—not a problem. When someone resists a suggestion, idea, or process, it usually indicates that trust, understanding, or alignment is missing.
Rather than labeling the person as “difficult” or “stubborn,” this presupposition encourages us to take responsibility for building better rapport. Rapport creates a foundation of trust and connection, making collaboration smoother and more effective.
Why Is This Important?
Misinterpreting resistance can lead to frustration and missed opportunities for connection. Instead of blaming others for not being open, we can ask ourselves, What can I do differently to create more trust and understanding?
By recognizing resistance as a signal of misalignment, we can approach challenges with curiosity. This mindset encourages flexibility and fosters deeper professional and personal relationships.
How Can You Apply This?
Build Rapport First
Focus on creating trust before diving into problem-solving. Establish a connection by actively listening, asking questions, and showing genuine interest in the other person’s perspective.
Be Flexible in Communication
Everyone has unique preferences for how they receive and process information. Adapt your approach to meet their needs. For example:
Use their preferred communication style (visual, auditory, or kinesthetic cues).
Match their tone, pace, or language patterns to create a sense of alignment.
Stay Curious
When you encounter resistance, shift your mindset from frustration to curiosity. Ask yourself:
What might they need to feel more comfortable?
What barriers to understanding could I address?
Avoid Pushing Too Hard
Pushing someone to agree or comply often backfires. Instead, focus on creating an environment where they feel safe to explore ideas at their own pace. Respect their boundaries while remaining open to dialogue.
Practical Exercise
The next time you experience resistance in a conversation or collaboration, try this:
Pause and reflect on the interaction. What might be causing the resistance?
Ask an open-ended question to understand their perspective, such as:
“How are you feeling about this?”
“What would help you feel more comfortable?”
Adjust your approach based on their feedback. Focus on building rapport and aligning with their needs.
Consider This
What if resistance was an invitation to deepen understanding and connection? How might this shift your approach to challenging conversations or relationships?
Final Thoughts
The third presupposition of NLP reminds us that resistance isn’t a roadblock—it’s an opportunity to improve communication and build rapport. By approaching resistance with curiosity, we can create meaningful connections and facilitate growth for ourselves and others.
The next subscriber-only post will explore the fourth presupposition: People are not their behavior and how it fosters compassion and understanding in relationships.
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