The Meaning of Communication Is the Response You Get
In this series on the presuppositions of NLP, we explore key ideas that guide personal growth, communication, and transformation. Each presupposition gives practical ways to understand ourselves and others better.
This post focuses on the twelfth presupposition: The meaning of communication is the response you get.
What Does This Mean?
This presupposition reminds us that how people respond to us shows how well our communication is working. It’s not just about what we say or intend—it’s about how the message is received. If someone misunderstands or reacts differently than expected, that’s important feedback about how we’re communicating.
For example, imagine you give someone directions, and they look confused and go the wrong way. The meaning of your communication isn’t just the words you said; it’s their confused response. This presupposition encourages us to adapt and clarify until our message connects the way we want.
Why Is This Important?
Improves Communication
When we focus on how others respond, we can adjust our approach to make sure they understand. This helps avoid misunderstandings.
Builds Better Relationships
We show others that we value their perspective by paying attention to responses. This helps build trust and connection.
Encourages Flexibility
Sometimes, what works in one situation might not work in another. Watching how others respond teaches us how to adapt and improve.
How Can You Apply This?
Pay Attention to Feedback
Notice how people react to your words, tone, and body language. Ask yourself:
Are they confused, excited, or disengaged?
What might their response tell me about how I’m coming across?
Adapt Your Approach
If your message isn’t landing, try another way to say it. For example:
If someone seems overwhelmed, simplify your message.
If someone looks uninterested, try using a story or example to grab their attention.
Ask for Clarity
When you’re unsure if someone understands, ask questions like:
“Does that make sense?”
“How does that sound to you?”
Take Responsibility
Instead of blaming the other person for not understanding, focus on improving how you communicate. For instance:
If a coworker misunderstands an email, consider whether your instructions were clear.
Practical Exercise
Think about a recent conversation where the response you got wasn’t what you expected. Reflect on these questions:
What was the other person’s response?
What might their reaction say about how they understood your message?
How could you adjust your communication to improve clarity or connection?
Now, try this approach in an upcoming conversation. Watch for the response and be ready to adjust.
Consider This
What might change if you saw every response as valuable feedback? How could this shift in perspective make your communication more effective and your relationships stronger?
Final Thoughts
The twelfth presupposition of NLP reminds us that effective communication is about results, not just intentions. By paying attention to how people respond and being willing to adapt, we can create clearer, stronger connections with others.
In the next subscriber-only post, we’ll explore the thirteenth presupposition: The law of requisite variety.
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